They Train Hard. But Something’s Still Holding Them Back.
"Coaches keep saying he has loads of potential, but he's so self-conscious..."
"She trains brilliantly but falls apart in competition..."
"He's withdrawn, defensive, can't seem to let himself perform..."
"First time nerves completely sabotaged her performance..."
If you're reading these words and recognizing your own child, you're not alone. And what you're witnessing isn't what it appears to be.
This Isn't About Confidence
Most parents come to me talking about "confidence issues" or "self-doubt." But that's not what's actually happening.
What looks like lack of confidence is actually an interference pattern - your teenager's nervous system trying to protect them from the potential of something going wrong by attempting to control everything. The very act of trying to prevent failure creates the self-monitoring, the hesitation, the inability to just play.
And here's what most parents don't realize: this usually shows up in multiple areas of their life, not just sport.
“The secret isn’t controlling your teen’s mind — it’s helping them understand how their thinking interacts with their natural abilities. When they stop overthinking, their true performance shines through.”
What This Actually Looks Like
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In training: They're brilliant, natural, flowing - because there's less at stake
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In competition: Tight, hesitant, overthinking - constantly monitoring themselves
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At home: Withdrawn, defensive, hard to reach, perfectionist tendencies
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At school: Similar patterns around performance, being seen, taking risks
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Socially: Self-conscious, worried about how they're perceived, playing it safe
The sport is just where the pattern is most visible. But the same protective mechanism that keeps them from performing freely on the pitch is affecting how they move through their entire life.
"My son was recently selected to play juvenile badminton for Ireland and we found that his sessions with Rob were one of the main reasons he achieved his goal. The sessions helped my son control his emotions in high pressure situations so that he could play to his true ability in the important matches. We would recommend Rob to any juvenile sports person looking for help with the mental side of sport."
Noel Cunningham - Father of Teen Athlete
What This Work Actually Does
I don't teach confidence building exercises or positive self-talk. That would be like teaching someone to swim while they're still wearing a life jacket that's holding them underwater.
Instead, I work with the subconscious patterns that create the interference in the first place. We map how their nervous system responds under pressure - physically, mentally, emotionally - and then shift those patterns at their source.
This isn't sports psychology in the traditional sense. It's consciousness-based performance work that addresses why your teenager gets stuck in self-monitoring mode when pressure appears.
What Parents Actually Witness
When this work is effective, parents tell me they notice their teenager:
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More comfortable being themselves - not just in sport, but everywhere
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Less withdrawn or defensive at home
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More present and engaged in conversations
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Taking up space more naturally - not making themselves small
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Less anxious around performance situations
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More willing to take risks and try things
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Their natural personality emerging more consistently
The sporting performance improves because the interference drops away. But the real transformation is in how they experience themselves and their life.
How We Work Together
I don't create generic programs. Every teenager's patterns are different, shaped by their unique experiences and nervous system responses. Here's how we begin:
1
Discovery Call with You (Parent)
20-30 minutes to understand what you're witnessing in your teenager - their sport, what's been tried already, what you're hoping might shift. This helps me understand the fuller picture of what's happening.
2
Discovery Call with Your Teenager
20-30 minutes to get their perspective on how they experience pressure, what happens for them in performance situations, and whether this feels like something they want to work on. Their buy-in is essential.
3
Personalized Proposal
Based on both conversations, I create a specific program for your teenager that addresses their unique patterns, with clear structure and investment. You're then free to make an informed decision about whether this is the right fit.
About Rob Kelly
I'm a performance psychology coach specializing in helping athletes perform under pressure. I hold an MSc in Sport & Exercise Psychology and work with Irish international rugby players, Olympic competitors, and serious young athletes pursuing selection and advancement.
My approach differs from traditional sports psychology because I work with consciousness patterns and nervous system responses rather than just mental skills training. For teenage athletes specifically, this means addressing the protective patterns that create interference - not just teaching them to "be more confident."
I'm based in Galway and work with athletes throughout Ireland and internationally via video calls.
